My Story



I am 31 years old and for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a weight problem. I have never been “thin”. Even in seventh grade, I was overweight. Of course, if I weighed now what I weighed then I’d be thrilled. But, compared to the other 12 year olds, I was a “big” girl. I’ve been the same height, 5’8, since I was 11 and I have just grown wider as the years have passed. My nickname used to be “Moose”. The boy who pinned that one on me has never left my mind. Words do have a way of sticking with you.



When I was in high school, I had very low self-esteem and considered myself to be very unattractive. I weighed approximately 170-180 all through school. When I graduated, I was beginning to become more comfortable with myself and actually lost weight. I still remember the summer of 1991 when I dropped to 150. My driver’s license still bears the weight that I was at when I had it renewed. I joke that I had to go on a diet to match the weight on my license! Needless to say, I proceeded to get married and have two children. After my first child, I weighed around 185, which on me, isn’t too bad of a weight. But, I got pregnant right away with my second child and then everything went downhill from there. It is amazing that Little Debbie Brownies didn’t hire me as a spokesperson! I quit work to stay at home and take care of my kids and proceeded to gain at a steady pace. I didn’t own a scale OR a full-length mirror. Why would I need those? I knew I was fat. But, if I didn’t weigh in or if I just looked at myself from the shoulder’s up, I could deny it.



My family never said anything about my weight…I think they didn’t want to hurt my feelings. My husband had gained right along with me so he knew how I felt. I didn’t feel attractive at all and I didn’t want to socialize with anyone because of how I looked. We would have to go to parties for my husbands work and it was sheer torture trying to find something to wear that I thought I would look good in. I was in a size 24 pants and a 3x shirt. My bra size was a 46DD and I had chins down to my armpits. My kids had started kindergarten and first grade and they wanted me to be a volunteer. I put it off and told them I was busy but the real reason was that I was so big, or thought I was anyway, that I would knock stuff over. My biggest fear was having to get my rear end into one of those chairs. Not very appealing when I compared myself to the other moms. I was missing out on a lot because of my desire to just “fade into the background”, so to speak. Then came the day in January 2002 when I suffered the worst humiliation. I was at work as a checkout assistant at the local Shaw’s, when I noticed four men in the checkout line. They were in their early twenties and they looked to be having a good time. I overheard one of them say to the other, “There’s one for you. The fat one over there.” The other guy said, “Yeah, not in this lifetime. What a cow!” Since I was the only one around, I knew who they were talking about. I went into another room and my eyes watered up. How could they say such things about me? They didn’t even whisper. Was I invisible? Did they think that I wouldn’t hear them or did they just not care? I went home that night to my husband and cried and cried. He told me he loved me like I was and not to pay them any attention. Problem was, how could I not when I didn’t love myself?



At the end of February, I had been toying with the idea of joining Weight Watchers. I had been putting it off because I didn’t want to go and have everyone think I was fat. Ironic, huh? I was overweight. Guess what I realized? Everyone who goes to WW has a weight problem in one form of another. One of my co-workers had been attending WW for a year and she urged me to go. I discussed it with my husband and he said he would join me at my diet, but he wanted to do it his way. So, March 1, 2002 we began our diet. We bought a $70 digital scale at Wal-Mart and dared to face reality. I weighed in at 240 and he weighed in at 310. Wow! I knew I was big but I never really realized. I went shopping and bought fruit, water, veggies and a bunch of Smart Ones and we began. I went to the next available meeting on March 7. My first meeting was hard for me. It was so difficult to take that first step…to ask for help. I weighed in at 237.4 and received my points information. I listened to the leader talk that night about fear. Fear of losing weight or fear of gaining? I realized I was afraid to even try it. What if I couldn’t? In the back of mind, I thought I wouldn’t even get to a 20 pound loss, let alone goal. Encouraged, my first week was good. Challenging, but good. I had to kick the Mountain Dew habit that I had developed. I knew that I couldn’t just quit cold-turkey…so, I started having three a day instead of twelve, and then two and then within two weeks, I was off of it and I haven’t had one since. The first time I weighed in I was filled with anxiety…did it work? It did! I lost 5.8 pound in the first week!! I was so happy and realized that I could do it!!



Within a couple of months, I had lost “noticeable” weight. I began getting comments at work, like “You are so skinny!” or “Your fading away!”. I was (and still am) not comfortable with being called skinny. I still saw myself as fat. In May, I was about 190 pounds or so and we went furniture shopping. I was walking by this full length cheval mirror and I stopped to actually take a look. I looked good! I couldn’t believe it! I told my husband and he said that he had told me so! I hadn’t really seen the difference at home but just seeing it there, it made it seem real. Needless to say, the mirror came home with me. I realize now that I have not been on a diet. Instead, I have been changing my entire eating lifestyle. I am confident about keeping the weight off. I am currently 16 pounds from my goal 158, though I eventually want to go to 150, to match my drivers license. My life has changed dramatically…for myself and my husband, who has lost 110 pounds. I am now fitting into a size 10 pants and a large or x-large shirt, depending on material. My bra size has dropped to a size 38D and everyone thinks my hair looks terrific. It’s amazing! I haven’t changed my hair in fifteen years. My mom says that it’s my face that has changed. I still haven’t volunteered yet at my kids school, but as my self-confidence grows, so will my life. At first, when people would comment on my weight loss, I would say, “Oh, I haven’t lost much. I still look the same.” I don’t say that anymore. Now I simply say, “Thank you.”