March 4, 2002: This is my first "thought" posting...just hanging around inside today because it is so cold outside. Anyway, I'm hungry. There, I said it. I'm absolutely starving. I think I am anyway. My kids just got home from school and Lily immediately wanted ice cream. Now, I'm not big on ice cream, but it's chocolate! lol I'm not really that hungry, I had a yogurt and some green grapes. I just keep looking at that box of fudge rounds Lily takes to school with her. I've been opening them for the kids for two days and it is driving me crazy. There are two left so if there is any sort of luck, they'll suck those down tonight before I get home from work. I had a nice lunch today...it was actually really good. The problem with those Lean Cuisine meals and such...I could eat three of them. But, I've been good all day. I'm going to have a small meal tonight before work...that's it for today.
March 5, 2002: Well, I've done pretty well today...I had corn flakes this morning with skim milk(blech) and a a Healthy Choice meal for lunch with a salad. There are miracles because all the fudge rounds were gone when I got home from work last night. No temptation...I didn't eat when I got home from work even though I thought I was hungry. I'm assuming going to bed after eating is a no-no so I'm trying not to. I work in a grocery store (not the best place for a dieter) and I put away candy last night. You know, making a dieter put away chocolate bars is like putting an ex-smoker in a room filled with cigarettes and saying, "You can smell but don't touch". Sadistic to be sure. I'm going to join Weight Watchers Thursday night...I think I need some sort of structured plan. Giving my food points value seems the right way to go. Not sure at this point how many points I'll get but I'm hopeful they'll take pity on me. :-) I'm anxious to weigh myself but I'm holding off. They'll weigh me on Thursday night and I'll go by that weight...it has to be more accurate then my Wal-Mart $10 scale. I did some jumping jacks today...that was painful. Important tip for the future: Always wear a bra when doing jumping jacks.
March 6, 2002: I am completely overwhelmed by the response all of my friends have given me. You are all so special to take the time to support and encourage me...this makes it so much easier for me to do. I woke up this morning feeling hungry and a bit depressed and I wondered if I should just cheat today and start again tomorrow. I decided to have a bowl of corn flakes and check my email...all thoughts of cheating left as soon as I began reading my mail. It was so wonderful to read all of your tips and hints and encouraging words. I can do this...with help, I CAN do this! It is only nine a.m. so I will more than likely add to this later but right now I'm drinking my water and looking forward to the day when I can say I'm proud of myself.
March 6, 2002, 10:40 a.m.: I just weighed myself which was a big mistake...according to the scale I'm the same that I was last Friday...I'm not doing it well enough I guess. Which means more water and NO soda whatsoever. Maybe I'm not meant to lose weight...no, I can do this. My husband, on the other hand, said he had lost ten pounds this morning. He hasn't been eating lunch, just yogurt and water and then all he has for dinner is one of the meals. I have breakfast, a bowl of corn flakes with skim milk, lunch, a WW meal with a salad and lowfat dressing and then for dinner I have another meal with another salad. Am I not eating the right combination? I don't know...maybe when I join Weight Watcher's they can explain to me the right things to eat and how much and all of that. I'm just getting a bit discouraged...actually, maybe it is PMS. Just what I need, more cravings for salt and chocolate! :-) I guess you have to find some humor in it or you'd just go nuts. He came home the other day with a proposition that if we both lost fifty pounds we would go out and buy us a hot tub. My perfect evening is to dream of the day when I can put my kids to bed and then go and soak in an extremely hot bath and say the phrase, "Calgon, take me away!". So, I guess I have motivation but my brain is telling me to not be motivated by the promise of a hot tub (because I know we'll buy it eventually anyway) and instead, be motivated by my need to get healthy and to feel better about myself. I know it takes time, most people I've talked to say they only lose about one to two pounds a week. I'm rambling...sitting here all alone will drive a person loony anyway. My kids are due home soon so that will give me something to do...
March 7, 2002 1 p.m.: I am feeling so much better than I was yesterday. I have lost five pounds, according to my beloved scale!!! One bag of sugar down! lol Apparently, you are supposed to weigh yourself first thing in the morning instead of mid-day, which is what I did yesterday with all my clothes on. I don't know why I did it...depressed me the whole day. I didn't have any Mountain Dew yesterday which left me feeling yucky. I went grocery shopping this morning and bought more salad stuff, more meals and did you know Weight Watcher's Smart Ones have desserts? For the love of Pete!! No one told me that! I bought a few and as soon as they tell me how many points I can have I'm going to reward myself each week with one of the desserts...(don't tell anyone I sniffed the chocolate bars in the Easter section today. Shhhh!!)
You know, I had a scale once that I loved...it said I weighed 135 all the time...my kids threw it down the stairs and it broke but I just loved standing on it and seeing 135!!! It probably isn't realistic weight for me to think of and maybe I would look to thin. Maybe.
March 8, 2002, 8 p.m.: Well, I did it!! I joined Weight Watcher's last night and I am officially on the points system. My starting weight was 237.4, not too bad considering I had on all my clothes and had just eaten. :-) I bought myself a journal to keep track of my points and my weight loss...kind of like this, only on paper. I was so happy last night...I propped myself on the couch, turned on CSI and had chocolate mousse. Don't worry, it was a Smart One's mousse and it only counted as 2 points. Just to have the chocolate is fantastic!!
When I was at the meeting last night, I wasn't sure what to expect. The leader started talking about fear...what do we fear about losing weight? I sat in the back row and found myself relating to everything she was saying. I'm afraid to fail, afraid if I lose the weight it will come back, afraid of myself. I kept finding myself getting teary...all the ways I had hidden my addiction to food...buying a box of Funny Bones and hiding them...eating them in private. This is so important to me to do this...I do not want to fail. My goal weight, or what would be a healthy weight, is 158. That seems so far away! I don't think I have weighed that much since I was twelve....no joke. Tears are running down my face as I admit this to myself...it isn't in my genes...it isn't because I'm "big boned"....I am fat because I eat too much and I eat the wrong things. If I can change the way I eat, then I will be able to change my weight. I figured something out last night, I was having an urge for a Mountain Dew...I could drink a 12-pack of it a day (I am serious!). One can contains 170 calories...multiply that by twelve and it is 2,040 calories. Add on everything else I ate during the course of a normal day and that is a whole lot of calories. They said last night that 3,500 calories equals one pound...so, was I pushing a pound a day? My exercise routine is non-existent so it all just kind of sat there. I have not had a regular Mountain Dew in 3 days...for me, that is a HUGE step! Anyway, I'm feeling extremely optimistic today...I will write more later.
2 p.m.: Here I am, I've been doing well today, I'm on my third bottle of water and I've noticed that I need to clean my bathroom. It's amazing when you are in there so often you notice all the stuff that needs to be done. I had my one "treat" for the day...a Weight Watcher's Chocolate Mousse, 4 points. I figured if I had it now, I could work it all off tonight. I have to work tonight and that means a lot of walking around and sometimes, running if it gets too busy. I've heard from so many nice people emailing me with support...seems I'm not the only one. I had a slight headache and I tried to nap a bit but my bladder decided I needed to be up. So, I walked around my house for fifteen minutes, I know it isn't that much but it is just too cold to be outside. I can't wait for the weather to warm up.
March 9, 2002, 9 a.m.: Not too much to write today...I kept myself at 23 points yesterday...I'm allowed 26-31 but I just wasn't hungry. The kids and Mark are home today so we are going out...write more later.
March 10, 2002: Good morning self...if I didn't cheat yesterday, I never will! I went to friend's baby shower yesterday and they had food...mounds of food. Brownies, fudge, rolls, ham, potato salad, cake...I could go on and on. When I first walked into the kitchen, I turned right back around and headed back to where I'd been. I gathered myself together and realized that I can resist this...I can have a tiny bit and not spoil my diet. So, I grabbed a plate....I measured out about a 1/2 cup of potato salad and one small slice of ham. I walked right by the fudge...I dissed the brownies...I stuck my nose in the air at the cake. I made it!!!!! I was very proud of myself...of course, when I got home, I had to add those points on...5 points for that potato salad!!! Oh well, I had a few banked anyway. The moral of this story is, if I can resist CHOCOLATE fudge and brownies, anyone can!
March 13, 2002: Well, so much for updating everyday...lol. Life got in the way! I'm doing really well on my diet...haven't cheated. It has been a week since I've had regular Mountain Dew...not shaking so much anymore from the lack of caffeine! :-)
I do have a funny story about why it is so important to diet for me...my husband and I were in the bedroom (no, not what you think!) and I was sitting on the corner of the bed, petting my cat Al. Mark comes up behind me and jumps on me. WHAM! The corner of the bed frame collapsed, leaving us dangling off the side. We just laid there and laughed! Both of us said at the same time, "Good thing we're dieting!". Needless to say, while I was at a baby shower on Saturday, Mark was buying a new bedframe! lol
He is doing very well on his diet...he is looking so good.
March 14, 2002: Well, it's Thursday...went shopping today for more food...trying out different things so that I won't get bored with the same old food. It has been almost a week and a half since I had Mountain Dew...I didn't think I could do it. Getting weighed in again on Monday...then off to the dentist. I think that is a horror movie somewhere...first get weighed and then get your teeth drilled! lol
March 15, 2002: The month is almost half over and here I sit...I'm having a moment. Did you ever feel like lying down on the floor and just throwing a huge tantrum? lol I do. I'm frustrated...I haven't cheated, I've been eating my meals...no Mountain Dew. I just feel "testy". I've decided I'm going to throw my scale out the window because I'm finding myself weighing in every hour or two. Most depressing when it doesn't look like I've lost anything. I just can't seem to get below 230...I can't wait for Monday to get weighed in.
I've been raking, walking up and down my driveway and doing sit-ups (one of these days I'm not going to be able to get back up!). Ihave to admit I do feel better. Mark is looking fantastic!! Men suck. He seems to be losing the weight so easily. Is it different for men? I don't know...
We just bought a digital video camcorder and I can't get the stupid thingy to hook up to my PC right. Ugh! I am now going to bang my head on the desk...thump! I'm better now. I can do this diet thing...I can. I've been keeping to my points and exercising as best that I can. I have decided I spend way too much time alone...
Marhc 17, 2002: Happy St. Patricks Day!! Tomorrow is the big weigh-in...we'll see how much weight I've lost since last week...I'm very hopeful!! I am buying some good sneakers this week in the hopes that I'll be doing some walking. I figured when the kids get on the bus in the morning, I can take a walk through the subdivision behind the house. It is a solid 1.2 miles and it would do me a world of good...
We had company over tonight and I had enough points left over from the week and today so I made chicken parmesana and mashed potatos. It was very good...I figured it couldn't hurt....I had small portions of everything. She brought over wine but I only had a couple of sips...
I will definetely be posting my weight tomorrow...wish me luck!
March 18, 2002: I did it!! I weighed in this morning and I've lost 5.8 pounds since last Monday!! Wow! I am so happy!! My goal weight is 158...I'm inching closer to below 200. This is so fantastic...
March 20, 2002, 4 p.m: Hi self....finally had a chance to sit down today. My little guy, Marky, is sick with strep throat. He had a fever Mon and Tues and last night he was up all night vomiting. I brought him to the doctors this morning and they did a strep test and it was positive. Poor little guy is sleeping right now. He can't go back to school for 24 hours after he starts his medication so he'll be home with me again tomorrow. He's tough though...he just keeps saying, "I'm fine". He gets mad cause I keep trying to kiss on him! lol
Other news, my diet is still on track...it's the day before grocery shopping so I'm running low on all my "diet snacks"... :-) Mark's comapny has signed on to a membership with a fitness center and the spouses are invited to join too. I have decided that I can do this...I'm going to go get me some snazzy sweats, a nice pair of Nikes and I'll be on my way. I was reading the brochure and they have "aerobic step"...I thought that would be fun and then it said, "Not for beginners." Hmmm, so I went to just plain old "step"...that said the same. Apparently I'll have to stick with the low-impact treadmill (we had a treadmil once...I hung towels on it). I've decided I want to be "buff"...does anyone have a definition for that word? One of the younger folks I work with says if I keep losing weight, "You'll be buff, man!" Am I past the age of "buffism"? Could I possibly ever be buff? Not if I can't do aerobic step. :-)
March 21, 2002: 1st full day of spring and it snowed 6 inches here last night! Good grief! Diet is going well...went shopping to day and filled the fridge again...so nice to know that what I'm eating is good for me.
Not too much going on today...my son is better. I have noticed a change in my waistline...my jeans are now loose around the middle...before I had to unbutton them to put my shoes on. This is so fantastic!! I am so "into" this diet!!!
March 23, 2002: It's Saturday...kid's are home....Mark is home. I'm depressed. lol Don't know why...I just am. I've lost more weight, I think. We bought a new scale, a digital one, and it says another 4 pound loss. I guess we'll see on Monday. I don't know...I think I'm just tired. I have to go the gym on Tuesday morning to meet with the personal trainer...that has me a bit stressed out. My image of the gym is a bunch of tiny little buxom blonde women running around. Buxom, I am...tiny, I'm not. I bought some new sneakers...I feel like I should be playing NBA basketball with them. My uncle Bob is in the hospital...I guess it isn't anything life threatening but he does have diabetes ad he passed out Wednesday night. Hopefully he'll be okay. I haven't cheated on my diet...I did catch myself almost eating a Dorito...if I had one, I'd have a thousand. It is so cold here today...I'm cabin queer, I think. Where the heck is spring when you have spring fever?
March 25, 2002: I've lost 4.8 more pounds!!! That brings it to a total loss of 14 pounds since March 7! Who would've thunk it? lol I join the gym tomorrow and by golly, I'm going to be lifting, treadmilling and all around working my big butt off. I have a dream you see...a dream to hit 20 pounds lost by April 1. Can I do it? Yes!! Maybe...okay, so maybe five...six sounds better though!!
March 28, 2002: I couldn't go to gym on Tuesday because my son was sick...tomorrow morning at 9 I get to go in and check it out. Mark has been getting up at 5 a.m every morning and going in before work. He is doing so well...he has lost about 22 pounds. I'm hoping for another three or four pound loss this week...everyone says that I'll start leveling off to a couple pounds a week but I'd like to at least lose three a week. We'll see. Weather is wonderful here today...too bad I wasn't exhausted!!
March 29, 2002: I went to the gym this morning...not as bad as I thought. Cathy was very nice and walked me through everything. Some of the positions they have you in on those machines is tricky!! Remind me not to wear my short-shorts! lol Anyway, the weather is gorgeous...I have major spring fever today. I think that I will get out of the 220's this week...praying for a 219 on Monday. Of course, I have to make it through Easter first...I bought a small roast to cook in my rotisserie (set it and forget it) and I should be able to resist any treats the Easter Bunny brings. I never liked those 1 pound chocolate rabbits anyway...:-)
Any questions? Email me.
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Graphics made by me on March 12, 2002...please do not take.
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